To abstain or not to abstain....it's your choice!

When I was a youngen I was strangely confident when it came to my sexuality. By that I mean I was not afraid AT ALL to say no. And I wasn’t afraid to tell people I was a virgin and intended to stay that way for a while longer. Everyone knew I was a virgin. I kind of said it out loud in RE class once. I found out on the day of our end of school prom that a bet had been going amongst a certain group of lads. Who could manage to ‘break in’ Sarah Maple.

Now, I’m not showing off here, I was certainly not in my prime looks wise (this was long before the invention of ghd’s added with a dose of me not really giving a crap),it was nothing to do with that, it was the challenge. I was ‘mysterious’. They knew there was a pretty slim chance they would never see me naked and it drove their adolescent ball bags crazy. Or they were a bunch of twats who thought they could spray some lynx and I’d be literally on my knees. You will be pleased to know I did not give in and give my ‘precious’ cherry to any of these boys. One of them had actually tried it on with me on a school trip. A school trip to a Nazi concentration camp. Not even on the coach. At the ACTUAL concentration camp. I mean, I know I’m picky but gee - a girls got to expect a bit more of a romantic setting than that for her first time, right? I mean it’s a known fact that even birds don’t even fly over that place! Literally nowhere is safe for women! I’m sorry to say that this is not a joke, it actually happened. And I’m glad he got his nose broken at the prom (it wasn’t me, but God was def on my side, that’s all I’m saying).

Obviously the choice not to get it on with a boy in the middle of a concentration camp is not an easy one to make. However I was still very aware at this age that it was totally up to me, my life, my choices. I’ve been doing a bit of reading on this subject recently and it makes me sad to read that so many young teens don’t think this way. Especially girls, it doesn’t actually OCCUR to them that they can say no. So many teens are doing it with anyone to ‘get it out the way’. I think I read it in ‘Living Doll’s’ by Natasha Walters, she tells a story about a girl who lost her virginity on the school field with a chap in her class, she said ‘I thought, the bell’s about to go, I’d better do it now.’

I don’t think it’s old fashioned of me to ask, where’s the romance? Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie first starts dating Aidan? He doesn’t sleep with her for a few days because he wants to wait. She realises how jaded she’s become to sex and how she’s forgotten to just date.



I read on feministing about Lady Gaga’s campaign with MAC make up (Cyndi Lauper as well but she’s been air brushed so much that I didn’t even realise it was her, she is beyond recognisable!). The message is about sexual health and proceeds from the make up go towards the MAC AIDS fund. Great! Lady Gaga had also put out a message telling youngens that their sexual self does not define them.

'I remember the cool girls when I was growing up. Everyone started to have sex. But it's not really cool any more to have sex all the time. It's cooler to be strong and independent.'

And yes. That’s great. But I can’t help but feel really cynical. Because this message doesn’t really work alongside the sexually charged music and videos Gaga makes…these seem to rely on the same old ‘sex sells’ formula. I was just thinking to myself ‘Let’s give her a chance, she is just expressing herself in the way she sees best Sarah, just like you do in your art’. Yes she is, but it’s the same way a lot of female musicians on MTV seem to be expressing themselves and it’s become very limiting and very boring. Especially as she seems to be the kind of person who has a lot more of a say on her style than most pop stars. I do love the Gaga, don’t get me wrong, but when she said ‘the last thing people want to see is another girl laying naked on a beach’ or something when she was talking about her album covers, I thought ‘Yeah! Awesome!’ but then I thought, 'hooooold on!'

Feministing says….’She also reminded them that "you don't have to have sex to feel good about yourself," a valuable message in a time when women so often feel like their self-worth is determined by how many people want to have sex with them.’

But. Surely half of Lady Gaga’s appeal is her sexiness? That amazing body we all know inch by inch? Loads of people want to have sex with Lady Gaga and loads of young people want to be like Lady Gaga…..if you get what I'm saying.

Since being in the states these past few months I’ve heard a lot about this preaching of abstinence. People scoff at it and I don’t want to poo poo it because I think that should be an option if you want. But I just think it’s so ridiculous and quite comical that sex is literally everywhere you turn, completely glamorized, and the only option you have is to say no! (not that Gaga is saying THAT but it’s along a similar line). Sex education in conservative states in the USA seems to be to inform the boys and shame the girls. I went to a workshop last night with Shelby Knox called 'fucking while feminist'. One of the girls talked about her sex ed. She said the boys and girls were separated, the boys watched a sex education video and the girls were given two jugs of water to pass round. One was just plain jug of water, one was a jug of water with mashed up Oreos in it. All they were told is that if they had sex, they would be like the jug with the mashed up Oreos. Wow. And that's only a few years ago. Considering that the states is meant to be a liberal country and progressive, it’s amazing how backward they are on the subject that seems to dominate the culture the most.

When I was at school I was confident and strong in my decision to hold on. But my friends who were in relationships and made the decision to have sex, they were strong and confident too. As feministing also states…

‘Having sex and being "strong and independent." Since when are the two mutually exclusive? And why do I have a sneaking suspicion that no man is ever going to be told that he has to make this choice? For a man, having sex "all the time" doesn't affect anyone's perceptions of his strength or independence. But for a woman, the more sex she has, the weaker and less independent she apparently becomes. Lady Gaga does a lot of things that are inventive and original, and encouraging people (and women especially) to be strong and independent, is great. But this message - this dichotomy that pits strong and independent women against women who have a lot of sex - is a song we all need to stop singing.’

Indeed.

How did this blog become about Lady Gaga? Haha! Anyway what I’m trying to say is that there should be more emphasis on FREEDOM of CHOICE. The concept that you can say yes if you’re ready and no if you’re not. It’s that simple. And you should not feel bad either way. I don't think we'll ever be free from a time when the media glamorizes sex but if we had better sex ed in schools maybe we wouldn't be so fucked up about it? Maybe then we would have the confidence to make the decision that’s right for us at the right time.

We all say in the west we live in a free society but it feels like when it comes to this, we aren’t completely free to make our own informed sexual choices. That’s what I think.

(HAHA I just tried to think of images to accompany this piece and a Nazi concentration camp came in my head, I don’t think that’s a good idea)

David Mitchell is a legend

Check out what David Mitchell wrote in the Guardian a few days ago in his piece 'Actually, you won't find female empowerment halfway up a pole'. I loved him anyway ('four naan Jeremy? FOUR?') but I love him even more now. It's so great men are saying these things. He's a feminist! Read his wonderful wonderfulness here

SOS

Okay I know it's an act of God but I can't help but moan.

On Sunday night the whole studio flooded and the ceiling came in. Stuff destroyed. No water at all. We couldn't even take a leak. We did get to call 911 and the fire brigade came. SO that was pretty awesome.

Then we heard the news that our flight was cancelled. We booked a new flight, got excited, then this was cancelled.

The next earliest flight is 1st May.

Our visas run out on Sunday so hence we will then become illegal immigrants!

I miss my Jamie's (Harrison) birthday and I miss the picking up of my baby cat! WaH!

ANYWAY. At least we're safe which is all that matters. and the poor iceland and china aren't getting any sympathy. I'm caught up in this shit and even I'm annoyed at all the news reports about pissed off holidays makers! What about China? What about Iceland? It's so stupid. The news is quite frankly fictional and balls!

Facebook Group!

WAH. I had to start a new facebook fan page because the other one was started by an old employee of Salon Gallery who could not remember the password AND that email address has been deleted. Haha! So basically there was to no way of getting in there!

Here is the link to the new group so please feel free to join if you wish! here you go!

My Misplaced Rebellion

Yesterday I went into Manhattan with no make up on. Yes, I’m a rebel, a renegade, a warrior in fact!

I was wearing a shirt from Tesco, leggings and a Primark cardigan. Good enough to eat (out - haha)! (Sorry I’m trying to reclaim objectification like the way gay people reclaimed the word ‘queer’, my efforts aren’t really working)

Anyway, I was walking about patting myself on the back, checking my reflection. I had this great feeling like I’d done something rebellious, really cool and ‘out there’. I was going to myself ‘wow aren’t I brave for going out with no make up on, I look hideous, everyone is probably judging me and thinking I’m the kind of person that doesn’t care, what a cool dude.’

Then I thought ‘what are you talking about you idiot, no one has even noticed you aren’t wearing make up and nobody gives a shit. AND the fact you’re not wearing make up really shouldn’t be that much of an issue anyway and this is the attitude that made you spent $28 on a tinted lip balm the other day. God the world has done a good job on you hasn’t it young lady….’
(this conversation with myself happened in the space of about 5 seconds)

And to make matters worse a man came up to me on Fifth Avenue and said ‘I just wanted to tell you you look really good.’ And walked off quickly. Like he was providing a service, he didn’t even try it on with me! Maybe it’s a scheme to help New Yorkers feel good about themselves. It did actually make me do a bit of a sort of girly Jane Austen-esque giggle to myself.

I realised my ‘rebellion’ was completely misplaced and I started thinking about how this might crop up in my art…
Firstly, I don’t think most people realise, as a Muslim, for me to show a part of my body was a massive deal. I wasn’t always as liberal as I am now. I remember wearing a short skirt for the first time when I was nineteen, I remember thinking ‘wow I can feel breeze on my legs!’ So it’s understandable for Muslim people to find it shocking and for me to feel risqué making it. But to most people they don't see the importance of this factor.



My ‘first work’ (the first piece where I thought I’d found my style) was the piece ‘Self portrait with Kate Moss’. I took this picture in January 2007. In this piece I am standing in front of a poster of Kate looking particularly thin. I am wearing my pants and my thighs and hips are on display. In this piece, part of what I was trying to say was ‘fuck you, look at my massive thighs, hips, hair and belly’ (unforts my breasts are not included under the description of ‘massive’ haha!). I’m big and I’m claiming my space, I don’t care.’ I’ve also done this in other pictures and video performances.

But then when this happened the other day I realised how misplaced this body ‘rebellion’ was. Because there’s nowt big about me at all in that pic. And I suppose this is why I’ve become such an active feminist, especially about issues towards advertising, music videos, tv etc. Because I know I started worrying about how I looked at a very young age. I remember in ‘Neighbours’ how the boys would chase these perfect girls who they called ‘babes’ and ‘chicks’. And I just knew that I should aspire to be one of these girls, no idea why, but I was somehow aware that I should want to be wanted by men, so I had to be like these ‘chicks’ and I knew when I was wanted by men, women would want to be like me. And that’s something desirable. It’s so fucked!!

I’ve always had this sort of body dysmorphia, I used to think I was so big (and I don’t just mean weight, I mean my height, my hair etc). I think most girls have this. I’ve always had this weird yo yo relationship with food and fitness and dieting. Until now. Over the past 6 months it has only just OCCURRED to me to be happy with the way I look, just accept my body shape, no – I mean LOVE my body shape. I used to totally hate myself when something didn’t look nice on me, but I’ve just realised, it aint me! It’s the clothes! I think ‘this outfit doesn’t suit MY specific shape’. This idea had never registered, I was always thinking ‘must look like this, must look like that, I’m a failure’. And you know what, the people who have the body you think you should have, they’re thinking exactly the same thing as you. That’s what the advertisers sell you, whatever you are, you should aspire to be something else, you should never be happy with who you are. ‘Make Yourself Amazing.’ Because you can never be naturally. That’s why those ads annoy me so much. And I suppose with the experiences I’ve had in NY, the people I’ve met and the stuff I’ve read, I’ve only just come to this realisation. Most people never have this awakening.

So basically what I’m trying to say is, be happy with how you look because it actually aint as bad as you think it is.

Peta annoy the shit out of me again....

I will write this again for those who haven't already read the other post.

Peta's new slogan seems to be - 'We're against animal cruelty but the objectification of women - that's fine!!!!'

Spain tackles eating disorders....

Very interesting information I discovered when reading 'Adbusters' Magazine.

Spain have now put in a law which bans, before 10pm, any tv advert promoting beauty products and treatments that suggest surgical enhancements or chemical ways to achieve the 'perfect' body.

This is fantastic news, obviously it's no miracle cure but it's a jolly good start. I heard France have done something similar but when I tried to google it I couldn't find anything. Anyone know?

If anyone could bloody stop those MYA adverts on my hotmail too that would be a bloody treat.

Here's bit more info....here

New Nike ad with Tiger Woods Dad??

Okay. This advert is a shocking new low in advertising. I thought it was awful anyway but even more awful now that I realise his Dad is actually dead.
Who thought this was a good idea? When I see stuff as bad as this, I always imagine these executives sitting around a big table brainstorming and patting each other on the back over this monumentally bad idea....'I KNOW! Let's use Tiger Wood's dead Dad's voice over an image of Tiger Woods looking particularly pathetic!'
The first thing that screamed to me was 'RE-BRANDING!' Yet again, someone acts like a douche and they re-brand them as the victim. We've seen it time and time again. And if it works, it reeeeally works. Classic!

The Artist is Present

Went to MOMA today and saw the Marina Abramovic show. Awesome, great, wonderful, inspiring. Loved it really. Highlights were the two naked people standing in a walkway - you had to slide past them to get through. My hand rubbed against a man's penis. Great! Also I was a geek and took part in her performance in the main room. I had almost a three hour wait but it was absolutely and totally worth it. Jo took some sneaky pics.....

Harriet Harman then - would you?

My word. Read this extract from an article written by this absolute turd-muncher Rod Liddle. Why can't people have some bloody respect? Can you imagine people talking about male politicians this way? Check out the quote 'fit as a butchers dog'. Nice. And they say men and women are equals. HAHA!


'So — Harriet Harman, then. Would you? I mean after a few beers obviously, not while you were sober. The alcohol is sloshing around inside your brain, you’ve enjoyed a post-pub doner kebab together and maybe some grilled halloumi (a woman’s right to cheese) and she suggests, as you stand inside the frowsy minicab office: fancy going south, big boy? (I don’t know for sure that she’d use the term ‘big boy’; this is largely hypothetical stuff, you understand.) Anyway, the husband — Jack — is chilling in their second home in Suffolk, the kids are with their scary godmother Patricia Hewitt and the Peckham pad is free for the night. You imagine what might happen, what carnal delights are in store: Harriet fixing up some Moldovan Fairtrade coffee and then back in the living-room minxily slipping out of her stab-vest, the one she tends to wear while in her constituency, while sliding a sultry Joan Armatrading CD on the stereo. Would you? I think you wouldn’t. I think you have more self-respect, a greater sense of self-worth, no matter how much you’ve had to drink. I think you’d make your excuses and leave, just as the first bars of ‘Me Myself I’ strike up. I think you’d do the same with most of the babes who were once, or are now, on the government front bench.

That’s the problem with Caroline Flint’s statement that Labour’s most senior women were used by the Prime Minister as ‘window dressing’. I mean, would you dress your window with Jacqui Smith, or Ruth Kelly, or Harriet? If you had a window? You might dress the window with Caroline Flint, who, we should all agree, is as fit as a butcher’s dog. But the rest? I suppose Caroline meant ‘window dressing’ in a different way, i.e. as a highly visible sop to the remaining tranche of early 1970s feminists still active in the Labour party and in the campaigning quangos. In which case, she is probably right: what other reason could there be for the presence in high office of Jacqui and Harriet, other than some form of gender discrimination — i.e. for their looks — or for discrimination of the better, ‘positive’ kind, i.e. they are the only women around.'

How can more women be persuaded to become politicians if they know they will get treated this way? It makes me sick!!

Read the whole shit here.

The Whitney Biennial

Myself and the quotable Jo (neon hair) went to the Whitney Biennial yesterday. I'm most surprised to hear people have called it rubbish because we loved it so much. My three faves were...

Nina Berman's 'Marine Wedding'. The work has totally stuck with me, it keeps coming into my head and making me think. To me that means a truly amazing piece of art. This picture below in particular...if anyone asks what is art, then to me this is it.



The 2006 photographs on view in 2010 document the marriage of former Marine sergeant Ty Ziegel, then twenty-four, to his high school sweetheart, Renee Kline, twenty-one. After being severely disfigured in a suicide bomber’s attack while stationed in Iraq, Ty underwent fifty reconstructive operations. A plastic dome, with holes where his ears and nose used to be, replaced his shattered skull. Without any staging or direction, Berman took spontaneous photographs of Ty and Renee in the weeks leading up to their wedding day and accompanied them when they had their wedding portrait taken. Her picture of them at the portrait studio conveys an air of alienation between the couple, who separated a few months after their wedding. Berman photographed Ty again in 2008 and describes the later images as suggestive of “a comfortable acceptance with military culture despite the cost.”

ninaberman.com

My second favourite was a fantastic female performance artist called Kate Gilmore. It was funny, interesting, political, everything. The most like the kind of thing I would like to be doing more of. Truly inspirational!



Kate Gilmore’s work explores themes of displacement, struggle, and female identity. She is the sole protagonist in her performative videos, in which she attempts to conquer self-constructed obstacles.

For this work, Gilmore’s obstacle is a tall column made of sheetrock which she tries to climb by kicking and punching holes into its walls. As in most of her work, Gilmore’s attire is at odds with the brute physical labor she performs. She works through the limitations imposed by her feminine clothing—high-heels and a polka-dot dress—with sheer muscle power and desperate determination. Shot in one take, the outcome of her endeavor is unknown before the performance begins. Gilmore’s tragicomic displays posit physical situations as metaphors for conflicts and social obstacles women face today.

kategilmore.com

My third fave was Maureen Gallace. This is one of those things where I don't know why I love something, I just do. Maybe being a painter I can appreciate it...or maybe just as a person. Just wonderful, beautiful paintings, I want one!



Maureen Gallace finds inspiration in the modest edifices and rural environs of her native New England. She paints intimate landscapes featuring serene, unpeopled houses. Deceptively effortless in their appearance, Gallace’s paintings take shape through careful observation and decisive omission. In this series of works, boxlike cottages are surrounded by bright hues of thriving summer greenery and a luminous pale sky. Visible brushstrokes, applied in wet-on-wet layers of oil paint, describe areas of color that appear infused with light. In some of her paintings, descriptive architectural details such as windows and doors are absent, leaving the viewer free to attach his or her own associations to the structure.

And lastly this piece by Aurel Schmidt gets a mention, because it was great. And because it's the first penis I've ever seen in art that I've really wanted to reach out and touch......