This piece....

This piece of mine is very much misinterpreted I think. I often see people complain about it on my google alerts. I did this piece about 3 years ago, without knowing or acknowledging I was a feminist....or even knowing what feminism is. It may come across as quite harsh and man hating, but I never meant it to be that way, more light hearted, more lols! Come on, it's lols!! My urge is to say 'chill out it's just a joke!' But it's not a joke, I mean it's funny but I'm being serious too, but light hearted, I'm making a serious point, but not entirely serious because it's a joke so I'm making a point about something in a jokey way do ya get what I mean? Fuck it, it's just a joke! Read this and get what I mean

Get an 'Ich Liebe Dick' poster..

Hello everyone! The work has come back from Munich and we've got a few posters left so if you want one email asap to info@saloncontemporary.com and 'SARAH MAPLE POSTER' as the subject.

Here you go....

1.

'Ich Liebe Dick' exhibition poster (as in the video!) Check it out!

700 were printed, 50 signed and numbered. They were hung in the city of Munich. Most of them got destroyed and lost within the city which makes them quite rare.
A signed one just sold on e-bay for £84 pounds!
There's a few left over.
A1 size
poster paper
£30 + pp



2.

'Ich Liebe Dick (triptych)

limited edition, made especially for the show in Munich
triptych with each 40x50cm
printed on 190 gm2 paper
edition of 250
A few left!
signed and numbered
£250 +pp

Yorkie Bar Gah

I was just googling Yorkie bars because I was wondering if they still had that slogan 'it's not for girls'. When doing this I came across a pink edition of the bar, specially for girls, which has on the cover 'Get your lips round this.' So help me God.

By the way is this just a British choc or do they do them abroad? Anyone?

GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

GAH!!!!!!

Society burnt my finger.

Here's a story for you.

On Saturday I was getting ready to meet Jamie. I decided to straighten some bits of my hair because those couple of stragglers on the left side of my head could make even the best man puke. In the process of doing this I slipped and caught my finger on the straighteners. Their heat is a whopping 220 degrees. It was only for a fraction of a second and I've done this before so I tried to forget about it. Jamie was at the door and so I hurried on out. I was having a lovely time until about 15 mintes later. The finger was throbbing, an agonising burning sensation consuming my whole finger, and the hot day was not helping.

I have a history with burns. When I was a kid I badly burnt my thumb on a car cigarette lighter. Five years ago I burnt my ankle on a motorbike exhaust. Last year I sunbathed in Greece without a high enough factor and the sun cooked me, I was red raw. My god the pain. And all my own bloody stupid fault.


My burnt self!

Anyway, the finger. The whole day the pain was there. I was at a National Trust place, everything should have been great, but no, the finger was there, annoying me, reminding me what I'd done. I suddenely felt angry, why did I straighten my hair anyway?? It was fine! I started delving deeper into the psychology - I thought it's probably this fear of being ugly and what that means for a woman...or maybe not ugly but less than perfect. Shock horror! I'm well aware it's all about money and mind control from the advertisers etc and as fucked up as I know that is, I still can't bring myself to leave the house without make up on. I was thinking about this and it dawned on me....

'SOCIETY BURNT MY FINGER!!!!'

How dare society burn my finger! What right did it have??!! I'm very angry! It deserves to compensate me greatly! (monetary donations welcome)


picture taken yesterday, my natural hair! See, if I'd straightened the top (my) left corner it would have made ALL the difference.

Although saying this, in the last year I have started to give less of a shit about how I look. A couple of years ago, the whole head would have been straightened, not just the unruly straggler! For some reason recently I don't get that same buzz I used to get when I go into a clothes shop. Not even in Topshop, the land of the free! I have no desire to look at clothes or buy anything. Nothing convinces me. I don't even attempt heels. A year ago I stopped plucking my eyebrows and the legs and arm pits got quite hairy because I just cannot be arsed. I've plucked, waxed, burnt myself out. I defeated the advertisers!!!!!!!!!

Okay I caved abut 2 weeks ago. In an effort to er make an effort (because obviously Jamie would leave me over a hairy armpit fo sho), I decided to buy an epilator. The thing about the epilator is it plucks the hairs right out, like waxing. I thought this was the perfect solution, I would have the best of the lazy and the effort world!! I could get rid of hair for up to four weeks so I wouldn't have to be arsed to think about it AND it would save me money in the long run on waxing strips. Wahey! So I spent £53 in order to be lazy. I basically bought them out, I'd paid them off. I paid to be lazy. I thought it was great, I thought I'd conquered again. But no Maple. They still got me, I realised either way, I'd STILL parted with my hard earned cash. Why oh why.

FYI - The epliator is agonising. At least with waxing its over in one go.

Going back to the burning, it made me think about all this pain we go through to look good or acceptable. All that money spent. The burning myself on holiday was such a regret. I wanted a tan so that I would look hot, brown and thinner! And the cost was a spolit trip and weeks of recovery. The advertisers, they don't care if you've got soft underarms or if you're a 'real' woman - they just want you to part with your cash! and as intelligent people who know this, we still do! Time and time again. And I'm not even going into cosmetic surgery.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, society burnt my finger and I'm not happy about it.

Kate Nash - sort of love her

I had read a while ago about Kate Nash being very feminist in the way she goes about her business. Apparently after seeing that mainly men were employed on video and photo shoots etc etc, she decided to only employ women - to keep them in the business. So when I saw this 5 minute interview with her for BBC news I had to watch. I must say what she says is very refreshing. I love how she refuses to do the whole sexy shoot thing to keep up with her peers. I think she is a very positive role model for young girls, we should see and hear a lot more from her!
Here's the interview here

Jennifer Metcalfe Lipo. What?

I am so outraged about the story on Jennifer Metcalfe (mercedes, Hollyoaks) undergoing liposuction that I had to blog it straight away. I have always envied her for having that perfect figure, especially that wonderful shapely backside. What more could a woman want from a figure? I don't understand! What is worse is that in the Mail's online vote the question wasn't 'Why on Earth has Jennifer Metcalfe had surgery?' no it was 'Was she too young at 26 to have surgery?' Has the world gone mad?? Here's the story and pictures

Peta. Again.

This is 'lol'. The irony!!!

Sarah Maple - Ich liebe dick poster attack

I apologise it looks at bit off centre!!!

Sarah Maple - Ich liebe dick exhibition